Please pass the Polite tea?

[Jean DeVenn]

Perhaps politeness is less about whether it's said with flowery words or not. It's the underlying attitude that counts. If Seyda (pinching your example here...) came up to me and said what was suggested, I'd probably take it in the spirit it was meant. I mean, just calling me an asshole is fairly tame in Seyda-speak, isn't it ? Heck, it's almost a term of endearment

As for respect, I only agree with you to a certain extent, ophelia. Yes, respect has to be earned. But I believe that there should be a certain base-line. Nowadays, the habit seems to be to automatically disrespect someone unless you've already heard of them in favourable terms or know them well as a friend.

Even with enemies, I don't feel it neccessary to use strong language. If anything, I see no need to speak with enemies or address them at all. In such cases, I let my holy water speak for me. In the whole time I have been in the city, I can think of only one vampire who has driven me to swear, and it was something I hope never to do again. Other than that - what's the point. Today's enemies can so easily become tomorrow's friends, so it seems foolish to burn bridges that one day may come in useful, or to prevent alliances that have the potential to turn into friendships.

(edited for spelling...)

[Damia]

Perhaps my first post was a bit confusing. I was not trying to imply automatic respect, but more of a sense of wordplay lost I think to this city. And I quite agree with jean, that if sedya walked up to me saying that, it is quite tame and polite in her own way. *wink*

I do not think with politeness comes automatic respect, but as someone said here courtsey. I think it was Jean or Dragonet who said that many are so ready to give crass words and an attitude as if they are all that before they have even really met the person they speak with. Unless of course someone they know praises that person to high heavens.

Frankly why should you need any one to praise someone to you to see if they have a sense of character. I think I was also trying to say and was perhaps not clear at all, that I miss the days when those younger would watch all city events to learn how things went on. I myself was told by my first sire Ysolla, that to watch was to learn and that to speak out before one knew all the facts was silly, unless of course you were trying to correct a fact you yourself knew. Now days I find that many rush in to give their oh so ready attitude before they even know a person, an event or whatever is going on.

But like I said, I do not intend to force this belief on others, tis something I simply miss.

On another point, I do find it intriguing that we three were born in an age together. Though I think I am the baby of this group. I of course never had a batman nor valet as a close friend. But I did have a farmers daughter as such, who I found to be more intelligent then many of my human mother and fathers friends. Which I think is why I never picked up the nasty habit of looking down on those all below me. For just because one is below you in a social or even clan standing does not mean they can not bring something to the table.

[Henry Key]

Oct 31, 2009 7:31:49 GMT -8 petit_prince said:

When you're facing an obstinate donkey, you don’t pass him the polite tea, because he won’t even understand it's him you’re talking to. Slap his rump, and he’ll turn his head, and try to viciously kick you. Whip him, and he’ll move, and remember it the next time he won’t obey.

Gotta leave you, I have an obstinate donkey to tame. Name’s Andrew. Tried reason, tried insults, this one won’t understand, so now I’m into trying something else...

Enjoy yerself, ya old fuckwittedcatdonkeyfeatherbraincuntbitchmotherfucker.

[seyda]

And era plays a large part in it. I'm a baby in everyone's standards just about...

[hairbear]

There are some vampires too obtuse to understand subtle. I have to agree with Idony, it's about communication. I have an extensive vocabulary and at times, only certain words taste right in my mouth. Unfortunately, using those words would cause the message to be lost on the intended recipient/s.

The question is: Is it about me (pride and perceived image) or about communicating? Politeness, IMHO, is a facade. I never trust anyone who is too polite. They have something to hide. It can be stimulating to get into a war of the words but then again, who has time?

[Blicious]

Nov 2, 2009 4:39:26 GMT -8 hairbear said:

I never trust anyone who is too polite. They have something to hide.

I totally agree. I enjoy a polite conversation as much as anyone else, but if it is not genuine the pleasantries get tossed out the window along with anything else that may have been said. In fact, I consider it quite the insult if words are not sincere. "It's the underlying attitude that counts." -I can think of no better way to put it.

[Damia]

You say it is the underlying attitude and yet the blanket statement of not trusting any of us who are "too" polite, seems a contradiction does it not?

Though I do in essence agree that it is always the attitude that matters. For many can try to be polite and simply be playing a role to make themselves look good. But it is a rare few who are truly polite, mean it and can carry it off consistently. For I would love to point out the amount of times, I have been insulted, my family has been such along with childre and even had a few HW's tossed my way. But I do try to be true to the path I have chosen. And in this path, I believe being polite does not hurt anything. Nor does it mean you have something to hide. Though where that assumption has popped up would be interesting. Those that might lie while being polite perhaps have something to hide, but I myself do try to be as honest as I can, abet a few situations I simply will not talk on due to feelings and such.

I still think this city could use a good dose of polite tea, or at least dropping the vulgarities from every five seconds to two minutes. I may never get the wonderful array of verbal battles, though I must say Idony is certainly a delight to read in that way, but I can always hope for such to become popular again.

But once more, thank you for the opinions provided. It does enlighten me as to why some react as they do when I speak politely to them. Perhaps I should growl or something to off set the politeness that seems so sneaky to some eyes.

[seyda]

Oh come on, Damia. I've seen you freak the FUCK out before.

[hairbear]

Nov 5, 2009 20:56:22 GMT -8 Damia said:

You say it is the underlying attitude and yet the blanket statement of not trusting any of us who are "too" polite, seems a contradiction does it not?

Though I do in essence agree that it is always the attitude that matters. For many can try to be polite and simply be playing a role to make themselves look good. But it is a rare few who are truly polite, mean it and can carry it off consistently. For I would love to point out the amount of times, I have been insulted, my family has been such along with childre and even had a few HW's tossed my way. But I do try to be true to the path I have chosen. And in this path, I believe being polite does not hurt anything. Nor does it mean you have something to hide. Though where that assumption has popped up would be interesting. Those that might lie while being polite perhaps have something to hide, but I myself do try to be as honest as I can, abet a few situations I simply will not talk on due to feelings and such.

I still think this city could use a good dose of polite tea, or at least dropping the vulgarities from every five seconds to two minutes. I may never get the wonderful array of verbal battles, though I must say Idony is certainly a delight to read in that way, but I can always hope for such to become popular again.

But once more, thank you for the opinions provided. It does enlighten me as to why some react as they do when I speak politely to them. Perhaps I should growl or something to off set the politeness that seems so sneaky to some eyes.

This entire conversation makes my head hurt. Very few are polite by nature and the rest are trained. I don't see the civility in polite, thinly veiled hostility, no matter how much flowery prose you may chose to use.

I tend to equate social politeness with pomposity. I even went to a thesaurus and found a list of other words if that doesn't describe my point well enough.

affected, bloated, boastful, bombastic, conceited, flatulent, flaunting, flowery, fustian, grandiloquent, grandiose, high and mighty, high-flown, highfaluting, imperious, important, inflated, magisterial, magniloquent, narcissistic, orotund, ostentatious, overbearing, overblown, pontifical, portentous, presumptuous, pretentious, puffed up, puffy, rhetorical, self-centered, self-important, selfish, showy, sonorous, stuck-up, supercilious, turgid, uppity, vain, vainglorious, windy

[black_dragonet]

Nov 6, 2009 10:04:01 GMT -8 hairbear said:

This entire conversation makes my head hurt. Very few are polite by nature and the rest are trained. I don't see the civility in polite, thinly veiled hostility, no matter how much flowery prose you may chose to use.

I tend to equate social politeness with pomposity. I even went to a thesaurus and found a list of other words if that doesn't describe my point well enough.

affected, bloated, boastful, bombastic, conceited, flatulent, flaunting, flowery, fustian, grandiloquent, grandiose, high and mighty, high-flown, highfaluting, imperious, important, inflated, magisterial, magniloquent, narcissistic, orotund, ostentatious, overbearing, overblown, pontifical, portentous, presumptuous, pretentious, puffed up, puffy, rhetorical, self-centered, self-important, selfish, showy, sonorous, stuck-up, supercilious, turgid, uppity, vain, vainglorious, windy

*smiles*
You are right.
I think I am all that.
And some more.

[Majica]

Nov 6, 2009 10:12:38 GMT -8 black_dragonet said:

Nov 6, 2009 10:04:01 GMT -8 hairbear said:

This entire conversation makes my head hurt. Very few are polite by nature and the rest are trained. I don't see the civility in polite, thinly veiled hostility, no matter how much flowery prose you may chose to use.

I tend to equate social politeness with pomposity. I even went to a thesaurus and found a list of other words if that doesn't describe my point well enough.

affected, bloated, boastful, bombastic, conceited, flatulent, flaunting, flowery, fustian, grandiloquent, grandiose, high and mighty, high-flown, highfaluting, imperious, important, inflated, magisterial, magniloquent, narcissistic, orotund, ostentatious, overbearing, overblown, pontifical, portentous, presumptuous, pretentious, puffed up, puffy, rhetorical, self-centered, self-important, selfish, showy, sonorous, stuck-up, supercilious, turgid, uppity, vain, vainglorious, windy

*smiles*
You are right.
I think I am all that.
And wome more.

I'm agreement with you black dragonet. I'd rather be polite over being rude any day and if that makes me appear to be pompus or vain... eh.. been called worse.

I guess it's all in the manner of how you choose to treat people.

[Damia]

Nov 6, 2009 5:23:11 GMT -8 seyda said:

Oh come on, Damia. I've seen you freak the FUCK out before.

*Grin* I never said I did not have a temper. Nor did I say that those who are polite have to leave all such emotions at the door. But in the end, I do tend to speak first and then if necessary react later. For as I have said this whole time, its easy to resort to cussing, flipping out and attacking others. One of my main points though was, is that it seems that is the city's first reaction instead of the last. Along with my few points that I miss verbal sword crossing and simple polite discussions.

And hairbear that is your opinion. Though I do not agree, it does not mean you are not entitled to your opinions as any other.

[hairbear]

Point taken Black_dragonet and Majica.

There is a fine line that separates diplomacy from being correlated as condescending. If that line is breached then what's the point? Whoever you're trying to make your point to will shut down and continue with their current mindset, choosing one of the words I listed and marking your name next to it. Why would you wish to be labeled?

I would rather speak clearly and plain. If a spade needs to be called a spade, that's what I will do. It's not my nature to curse so I don't, but why would I begrudge someone's enjoyment of using foul language?

I equate it to when a certain word is the most perfect word to use and I don't use it because I don't want the person I am writing to lose the content of the statement, fearing they will not understand the word. If cursing gives someone pleasure, who am I to deny them that pleasure or adjudicate them?

I am not judging anyone for being polite, I am simply making a comment about how it can be/is perceived. You can use this information or ignore it. It matters not to me.

I did chuckle at your statement Damia. I will always have my own opinion. I tend to follow my own path and I have never cared whether anyone agrees with me or not.

[seyda]

Nov 6, 2009 10:47:52 GMT -8 Damia said:

Nov 6, 2009 5:23:11 GMT -8 seyda said:

Oh come on, Damia. I've seen you freak the FUCK out before.

*Grin* I never said I did not have a temper. Nor did I say that those who are polite have to leave all such emotions at the door. But in the end, I do tend to speak first and then if necessary react later. For as I have said this whole time, its easy to resort to cussing, flipping out and attacking others. One of my main points though was, is that it seems that is the city's first reaction instead of the last. Along with my few points that I miss verbal sword crossing and simple polite discussions.

And hairbear that is your opinion. Though I do not agree, it does not mean you are not entitled to your opinions as any other.

But that's utilizing the assumption that if someone appears to be cursing and freaking out, that they've lost control of their emotions.

[Cerridwen]

Oct 30, 2009 20:34:24 GMT -8 Damari said:

Twit she has always been, and twit she will always be. It doesn't take intelligence to do what she does. *laughs* So I'm right, she only comes here to annoy me? I thought as much. I'm hardly surprised. It's how she was before and even before that. There is an consistent repetition in how she acts that seems to regurgitate itself when I'm around. I wonder about that, whether her reactions now have become pavlov in their nature.

I do believe she rather enjoys the barbs I zing her with and gets a rather masochistic joy from it. I wouldn't be the generous hearted person I am if I didn't oblige her now would I?

Aww Damari... seems you have a gift for attracting souls that enjoy annoying you. I see a trend revealing itself.

*nods nods*[a href="http://[del:cerridwen]"]http://[del:cerridwen][/a]