Post by sade on Aug 1, 2009 4:06:05 GMT -8
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so I’m just going to say it. You're standing in a stream filled with piranha....Sorry I was joking, it’s not filled with them, barely ¾ filled. So, unless you move out of the steam and make your own way, you will be eaten alive in the city (fuck me...what an analogy...still fish, they will get you in the end - evil I say. I wonder if we can kill them all) Listen. Don’t forget to try new things this month, be it cross dressing, dallying with the same sex or different sex, left and right, in and out deep and shallow, long and short (don’t fuck fish unless it’s with a hammer, ok?) Indulging your rebellious side: do things you really couldn't give a shit about - you might find it fun.
Your lucky fish is a clown fish.
Your favourite fish dinner is Pan-fried salmon with chilli coriander udon broth.
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.(it’s a fucking fish conspiracy I tell you)
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
There's something in the water. (It be fish sperm...you know fish do it in water don’t you, shudders) Oh, it's you Pisces. You've been so quiet lately. Not a peep, not a word...where the hell have you been? On holiday or tied up in some boys/girls dungeon being used as a sex mannequin? I hear great things about you, you're no doubt about to rise like a shooting star. You are working harder than any other sign and not complaining a bit (well depending on if you have been in that dungeon...a gimp ball maybe?). Also, you're like... organized. I don’t know anyone else who is so anal about their holy water and weapons and goodies; you probably have bar codes on each item. I'm starting to get jealous. If you get bored, I have some purchases you could help me with and some toys to bar code.
You’re lucky fish is a Koi (they still fuck in water you know).
Your favourite fish dinner is Pan-fried flounder with brown butter
You are lucky you don’t smell like fish.
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
Ok, listen. I used to have an Ex who was an Aries. So aside from the Ex, who will NEVER have a good forecast, August looks good for Aries. Begin the rest of your life today. Go out right now and buy a gold fish (fuck that...buy more weapons) Do it right now! At least with goldfish you know it will never screw around on you or lie to you. All they want is aeriated water and food (yeah right! and to rule the world, fish are evil freaks, look at how many there are). So step right out, you know if you wait ... you will procrastinate. It's either that or tickets to a Tom Jones concert...and get into full pelvic thrusts...and you really, really don't have to be beautiful to be my girl. (hmm beer goggles) I just want your extra time and your kiss. Except for if your my Ex - Who is evil and should be destroyed. (I think they were part fish) That's all I have to say about that.
Your lucky fish is blue catfish (bout the only bit of pussy you'll be getting)
Your favourite fish dinner is Swordfish baked with herbs
Fishing: just another way the fish are destroying our way of life
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Have you ever had someone slam you in the head with a base ball bat, or one of those ice-cream headaches...oh, or perhaps a sinus headache - you know the type where your head just wants to explode? Well, that's your month in a nutshell! Bye!
No, no, I can’t be mean to you like that. August is going to be sometimes sweet, sometimes painful, not unlike stepping onto a scorpion fish (fucking fish, out to get every fucker...fuck them. I wonder if its genocide if you attack all fish).
So in short, if you’re out in the City and enjoying the night, watch where you’re walking cause some mother will probably try to kill you or tie you up to have their way with you (some of them want to abuse you. some of them want to be abused by you...hehehe hmmm just make sure they don’t have scales) Oh Yeah steal the little kids lolly pop - I want a suck.
Your lucky fish is a sucker fish (i didn’t think it was possible a fish with a use)
Your favourite fish dinner is Fish and shellfish soup with saffron and fennel
Fishing: always better with dynamite (yeah you don’t miss with that stuff)
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
You feel like a celebrity this month! Paparatsi (you know, it’s the fish that have control of the world's media, they killed Princess Di because she had proof they manufacture landmines) are everywhere taking pictures this month. Recording every move you do for posterity (ha Posterior...hope your bum looks small in those jeans, really I do). You have so much energy sometimes, I fear you'll run yourself ragged (or into a ragged edge knife...hmmm, blood), one word of caution, don’t climb into the back of a black Mercedes if you have a camera chasing you or look out for fins. Well as long as you're enjoying the celebrity life, you might as well have as many boys and girls in your entourage as possible. I want to be a Gemini. Your August looks so fun! So much activity! Share? Please? (Just watch out for the fish in the black suit....)
You’re lucky fish is bigeye (oh yeah they are watching us all)
Your favourite fish dinner is Smoked-trout crepe cake
Goldfish can outlive dogs and cats - they can live over 20 years (won’t be long and it will be 80-90 years, then immortal...damn, kill the fish)
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Cancers will work a lot on stuff they cannot even pronounce and said items will spontaneously break or combust with no warning (hope its not your undies). Not only that, they will want to eat ice cream. (well at least fish don’t you know......in Icecream .........what?....You know - FUCK). A Crab is delicate and wonderful, unlike another certain under water inhabitant who is bent on world domination. I will say this, get your ass off the couch and get training...be it rowing, kick boxing or fishing (hmm...kill all the fish I say) you can never have too much training or too much money (hmm, or sex ). Over the next 31 odd days you will spend money like a cashed up cash whore, nothing out of your reach be it women, men, cars, apartments (hmm fish killing contracts). Ok and one more thing, try this you might like it: for one 24-hour period, don't take shit off anyone. If it sticks try, another 24 hours...after a while it becomes a way of life.
You’re lucky fish is a Jellyfish (You know they are evil look at the tentacles)
Your favourite fish dinner is Sautéed Shrimps in Olive Oil and Tomato
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You know. I actually have started to believe the world revolves around you! The moon rises with your smile and sets with your voice and you know how to do the electric boogaloo (the only reason you dance the Electric boogaloo so well is the fucken electric eel in your pants. I know the truth, your pants smell of fish. Where’s my poker... smash the fish) For a start, since the world revolves around you, start writing down your thoughts and ideas, then share them with us all, it will make the rest of us feel loved (especially when you write your depraved sick-puppy ideas down...like handcuffs, silk scarfs, hmmm... tied up with a tie......err sorry, err ops). The only thing I will say is when you share yourself around, make sure you save enough for everyone cause we love you, especially the electric eel boogaloo in you.
You’re lucky fish is a black swallower (I don’t care what colour...I like the second word hmmm)
Your favourite fish dinner is Spiced Indian fish with chickpea raita
There is a weird name for people who study fish, it sounds like someone who has a rash! - They are called ichthyologists. (who cares what they are called as long as they can tell us how to kill the fish)
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
You my Virgo lovely, would make the perfect slave. You would happily keep the house tidy. Fold the laundry, put away the dishes, and arrange my weapons and scrolls in alphabetical order. (you look good in that little maids outfit too...so becomes you). But you need to do more for yourself and less for others (you could kill a few fish for me too while you’re at it of course) What about you? What have you done for yourself lately? Forget about dusting the goldfish (maybe nail it to the wall hehe). This is a good month for self indulgent fun kick back, drink, laugh and have sex (NoNo No not by yourself) Its time to think big thoughts, do a little bit of nothing, carve out someone’s heart. It's important to have this me time this month.
You’re lucky fish is a cardinalfish (They want you to think they are saintly I’m telling you they are the devil themselves)
Your favourite fish dinner is Spaghetti with smoked salmon, peas and parsley
I will never forget when I found out the fact that lipstick actually contained fish scales! (see fucken get into everything, filthy fish)
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Well, it's August. The year has slipped past yet again and you’re still asleep. All the other signs are so energetic you look positively sloth-like. You've been working your ass off, stealing and sucking blood (yeah, yeah that’s not all you been sucking, I bet). It feels like time for a holiday (Yeah I have booked you in one of the skiing lodges away from the heat and the beach...the fish won’t find you up there) with snow bunnies (male and female of course and a hot tub). Don’t forget what happens in the lodge stays in the lodge (yeah specially where I’m thinking about lodging something...hmm baby, who’s your daddy) Now remember you go have fun! Mwah!
Your lucky fish is an electric eel (Maybe you could find a Leo and do the Electric Boogaloo together or sniff each others pants)
Your favourite fish dinner is Japanese crusted tuna.
Remember I said Goldfish can outlive dogs and cats? (you know why they live longer than dogs and cats hmmmm......come on, they are evil...dogs and cats aren’t that smart and fish kill them)
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
You electric Scorps are in rare form, and everyone is bowing down to the greatness that is YOU! ( you can sure check out their bums when they bowing down, hmm...or kneeling perhaps). Have pity on the lesser types, the small lesser immortals, this month, or else you'll find yourself all alone and friendless with no one to love you. Actually, that last part isn't true, I just made it up. You're sexy, strong, good looking and hot damn! Scorpios Rock! You are gonna shine up this August. I wish I were a Scorpio this month. I'd be the sexy one in the city, instead of The one Who Cannot Use The Phone Because They May Break It. Something is going very right in the city for you, or is it a new job? Because of all this and I’m jealous as fuck, I’m buying you a fish...just you wait till it becomes your master!
Your lucky fish is the flying fish (shit all we need is fish that goes out of the water...fucking evil fish)
Your favourite fish dinner is Sicilian fish stew and couscous
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
There are several pieces of advice I will share with you this month. Always look both ways before you cross the street. When on a hot date, new undies are always advisable. And never go about whoring yourself out at your Club, or for your family, or for your friends, nor for people you barely know. (well you’re a pile of fun.) But remember if you do eventually find that one good shudder...stick with them, cause they will probably do it for you again hehe. (I know fish make me shudder but not in that way...But give them a bit more time and I bet they will try and make us shudder in a good way. Fish are not our friends or bonking partners) If all else fails this month, the one thing that will never fail is to do the pile driver - taking it or doing it - you just got to feel the love (hmm Pile drive fish squish the fish hehe).
Your lucky fish is a California smoothtongue (Hmmm Just how I like my...oh my)
Your favourite fish dinner is Fish and potato pie.
Dental offices have fish tanks in order to reduce anxiety in patients. (No, No, No, the fish are there because they enjoy hearing your pain)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
We all dream and Caps just dream the most. Pity they don’t seem to remember those same dreams the next morning. It's good to have Cappies as friends. So practical, can manage money and logistics, but hold onto a dream, hardly. So your job My Cappy friend is to buy a note book and put it beside your bed and when you have a dream, make notes (yeah and if that fails, plan the downfall of the fish empire). So since Cappies cope well with Logistics, this August it's your challenge to have a city wide party and cater for it. Humans wall to wall (and no no fucking fish allowed)
Your lucky fish is a humuhumu-nukunuku-apua‘a (See even the names give you lock jaw.Fish they are just bad, bad mothers)
Your favourite fish dinner is Flathead karaage
One piece of fun fact which seems to be under some debate is whether fish feel pain? (who cares fish are evil)
I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so I’m just going to say it. You're standing in a stream filled with piranha....Sorry I was joking, it’s not filled with them, barely ¾ filled. So, unless you move out of the steam and make your own way, you will be eaten alive in the city (fuck me...what an analogy...still fish, they will get you in the end - evil I say. I wonder if we can kill them all) Listen. Don’t forget to try new things this month, be it cross dressing, dallying with the same sex or different sex, left and right, in and out deep and shallow, long and short (don’t fuck fish unless it’s with a hammer, ok?) Indulging your rebellious side: do things you really couldn't give a shit about - you might find it fun.
Your lucky fish is a clown fish.
Your favourite fish dinner is Pan-fried salmon with chilli coriander udon broth.
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.(it’s a fucking fish conspiracy I tell you)
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
There's something in the water. (It be fish sperm...you know fish do it in water don’t you, shudders) Oh, it's you Pisces. You've been so quiet lately. Not a peep, not a word...where the hell have you been? On holiday or tied up in some boys/girls dungeon being used as a sex mannequin? I hear great things about you, you're no doubt about to rise like a shooting star. You are working harder than any other sign and not complaining a bit (well depending on if you have been in that dungeon...a gimp ball maybe?). Also, you're like... organized. I don’t know anyone else who is so anal about their holy water and weapons and goodies; you probably have bar codes on each item. I'm starting to get jealous. If you get bored, I have some purchases you could help me with and some toys to bar code.
You’re lucky fish is a Koi (they still fuck in water you know).
Your favourite fish dinner is Pan-fried flounder with brown butter
You are lucky you don’t smell like fish.
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
Ok, listen. I used to have an Ex who was an Aries. So aside from the Ex, who will NEVER have a good forecast, August looks good for Aries. Begin the rest of your life today. Go out right now and buy a gold fish (fuck that...buy more weapons) Do it right now! At least with goldfish you know it will never screw around on you or lie to you. All they want is aeriated water and food (yeah right! and to rule the world, fish are evil freaks, look at how many there are). So step right out, you know if you wait ... you will procrastinate. It's either that or tickets to a Tom Jones concert...and get into full pelvic thrusts...and you really, really don't have to be beautiful to be my girl. (hmm beer goggles) I just want your extra time and your kiss. Except for if your my Ex - Who is evil and should be destroyed. (I think they were part fish) That's all I have to say about that.
Your lucky fish is blue catfish (bout the only bit of pussy you'll be getting)
Your favourite fish dinner is Swordfish baked with herbs
Fishing: just another way the fish are destroying our way of life
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Have you ever had someone slam you in the head with a base ball bat, or one of those ice-cream headaches...oh, or perhaps a sinus headache - you know the type where your head just wants to explode? Well, that's your month in a nutshell! Bye!
No, no, I can’t be mean to you like that. August is going to be sometimes sweet, sometimes painful, not unlike stepping onto a scorpion fish (fucking fish, out to get every fucker...fuck them. I wonder if its genocide if you attack all fish).
So in short, if you’re out in the City and enjoying the night, watch where you’re walking cause some mother will probably try to kill you or tie you up to have their way with you (some of them want to abuse you. some of them want to be abused by you...hehehe hmmm just make sure they don’t have scales) Oh Yeah steal the little kids lolly pop - I want a suck.
Your lucky fish is a sucker fish (i didn’t think it was possible a fish with a use)
Your favourite fish dinner is Fish and shellfish soup with saffron and fennel
Fishing: always better with dynamite (yeah you don’t miss with that stuff)
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
You feel like a celebrity this month! Paparatsi (you know, it’s the fish that have control of the world's media, they killed Princess Di because she had proof they manufacture landmines) are everywhere taking pictures this month. Recording every move you do for posterity (ha Posterior...hope your bum looks small in those jeans, really I do). You have so much energy sometimes, I fear you'll run yourself ragged (or into a ragged edge knife...hmmm, blood), one word of caution, don’t climb into the back of a black Mercedes if you have a camera chasing you or look out for fins. Well as long as you're enjoying the celebrity life, you might as well have as many boys and girls in your entourage as possible. I want to be a Gemini. Your August looks so fun! So much activity! Share? Please? (Just watch out for the fish in the black suit....)
You’re lucky fish is bigeye (oh yeah they are watching us all)
Your favourite fish dinner is Smoked-trout crepe cake
Goldfish can outlive dogs and cats - they can live over 20 years (won’t be long and it will be 80-90 years, then immortal...damn, kill the fish)
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Cancers will work a lot on stuff they cannot even pronounce and said items will spontaneously break or combust with no warning (hope its not your undies). Not only that, they will want to eat ice cream. (well at least fish don’t you know......in Icecream .........what?....You know - FUCK). A Crab is delicate and wonderful, unlike another certain under water inhabitant who is bent on world domination. I will say this, get your ass off the couch and get training...be it rowing, kick boxing or fishing (hmm...kill all the fish I say) you can never have too much training or too much money (hmm, or sex ). Over the next 31 odd days you will spend money like a cashed up cash whore, nothing out of your reach be it women, men, cars, apartments (hmm fish killing contracts). Ok and one more thing, try this you might like it: for one 24-hour period, don't take shit off anyone. If it sticks try, another 24 hours...after a while it becomes a way of life.
You’re lucky fish is a Jellyfish (You know they are evil look at the tentacles)
Your favourite fish dinner is Sautéed Shrimps in Olive Oil and Tomato
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You know. I actually have started to believe the world revolves around you! The moon rises with your smile and sets with your voice and you know how to do the electric boogaloo (the only reason you dance the Electric boogaloo so well is the fucken electric eel in your pants. I know the truth, your pants smell of fish. Where’s my poker... smash the fish) For a start, since the world revolves around you, start writing down your thoughts and ideas, then share them with us all, it will make the rest of us feel loved (especially when you write your depraved sick-puppy ideas down...like handcuffs, silk scarfs, hmmm... tied up with a tie......err sorry, err ops). The only thing I will say is when you share yourself around, make sure you save enough for everyone cause we love you, especially the electric eel boogaloo in you.
You’re lucky fish is a black swallower (I don’t care what colour...I like the second word hmmm)
Your favourite fish dinner is Spiced Indian fish with chickpea raita
There is a weird name for people who study fish, it sounds like someone who has a rash! - They are called ichthyologists. (who cares what they are called as long as they can tell us how to kill the fish)
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
You my Virgo lovely, would make the perfect slave. You would happily keep the house tidy. Fold the laundry, put away the dishes, and arrange my weapons and scrolls in alphabetical order. (you look good in that little maids outfit too...so becomes you). But you need to do more for yourself and less for others (you could kill a few fish for me too while you’re at it of course) What about you? What have you done for yourself lately? Forget about dusting the goldfish (maybe nail it to the wall hehe). This is a good month for self indulgent fun kick back, drink, laugh and have sex (NoNo No not by yourself) Its time to think big thoughts, do a little bit of nothing, carve out someone’s heart. It's important to have this me time this month.
You’re lucky fish is a cardinalfish (They want you to think they are saintly I’m telling you they are the devil themselves)
Your favourite fish dinner is Spaghetti with smoked salmon, peas and parsley
I will never forget when I found out the fact that lipstick actually contained fish scales! (see fucken get into everything, filthy fish)
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Well, it's August. The year has slipped past yet again and you’re still asleep. All the other signs are so energetic you look positively sloth-like. You've been working your ass off, stealing and sucking blood (yeah, yeah that’s not all you been sucking, I bet). It feels like time for a holiday (Yeah I have booked you in one of the skiing lodges away from the heat and the beach...the fish won’t find you up there) with snow bunnies (male and female of course and a hot tub). Don’t forget what happens in the lodge stays in the lodge (yeah specially where I’m thinking about lodging something...hmm baby, who’s your daddy) Now remember you go have fun! Mwah!
Your lucky fish is an electric eel (Maybe you could find a Leo and do the Electric Boogaloo together or sniff each others pants)
Your favourite fish dinner is Japanese crusted tuna.
Remember I said Goldfish can outlive dogs and cats? (you know why they live longer than dogs and cats hmmmm......come on, they are evil...dogs and cats aren’t that smart and fish kill them)
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
You electric Scorps are in rare form, and everyone is bowing down to the greatness that is YOU! ( you can sure check out their bums when they bowing down, hmm...or kneeling perhaps). Have pity on the lesser types, the small lesser immortals, this month, or else you'll find yourself all alone and friendless with no one to love you. Actually, that last part isn't true, I just made it up. You're sexy, strong, good looking and hot damn! Scorpios Rock! You are gonna shine up this August. I wish I were a Scorpio this month. I'd be the sexy one in the city, instead of The one Who Cannot Use The Phone Because They May Break It. Something is going very right in the city for you, or is it a new job? Because of all this and I’m jealous as fuck, I’m buying you a fish...just you wait till it becomes your master!
Your lucky fish is the flying fish (shit all we need is fish that goes out of the water...fucking evil fish)
Your favourite fish dinner is Sicilian fish stew and couscous
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
There are several pieces of advice I will share with you this month. Always look both ways before you cross the street. When on a hot date, new undies are always advisable. And never go about whoring yourself out at your Club, or for your family, or for your friends, nor for people you barely know. (well you’re a pile of fun.) But remember if you do eventually find that one good shudder...stick with them, cause they will probably do it for you again hehe. (I know fish make me shudder but not in that way...But give them a bit more time and I bet they will try and make us shudder in a good way. Fish are not our friends or bonking partners) If all else fails this month, the one thing that will never fail is to do the pile driver - taking it or doing it - you just got to feel the love (hmm Pile drive fish squish the fish hehe).
Your lucky fish is a California smoothtongue (Hmmm Just how I like my...oh my)
Your favourite fish dinner is Fish and potato pie.
Dental offices have fish tanks in order to reduce anxiety in patients. (No, No, No, the fish are there because they enjoy hearing your pain)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
We all dream and Caps just dream the most. Pity they don’t seem to remember those same dreams the next morning. It's good to have Cappies as friends. So practical, can manage money and logistics, but hold onto a dream, hardly. So your job My Cappy friend is to buy a note book and put it beside your bed and when you have a dream, make notes (yeah and if that fails, plan the downfall of the fish empire). So since Cappies cope well with Logistics, this August it's your challenge to have a city wide party and cater for it. Humans wall to wall (and no no fucking fish allowed)
Your lucky fish is a humuhumu-nukunuku-apua‘a (See even the names give you lock jaw.Fish they are just bad, bad mothers)
Your favourite fish dinner is Flathead karaage
One piece of fun fact which seems to be under some debate is whether fish feel pain? (who cares fish are evil)
